The Winter of Our Discontent
by Burdenedwithgloriousporpoise
Summary: To unleash war for the sake of peace...does that make one a hero or a villain? Loki-centric narrative of the events leading up to Thor, continued through Avengers and Thor 2, with Loki as a tragic anti-hero.
1. Chapter 1

Loki was a quiet child. Since childhood both he and his brother Thor had been made aware of their royal heritage. Their father Odin said that both were equally worthy of the throne, but that only one could be king. Young Thor's ambitions were set on friendships and games; to him the future was vague and distant. But even as a child Loki saw actions in light of the future. He began gathering knowledge on kingship and responsibility, watching, listening, and compiling all that he experienced into a standard. As he grew, he measured those who held power against this standard and calculated the effectiveness of their rule.

The brothers were close, but nearing adolescence things began to change. New friends entered the scene. Outgoing Thor won companions by breathing, while introverted Loki was content with the company of his books. As Thor was ingratiated into new circles, though, a strain of loneliness touched his brother. His best friend was drifting away into territory Loki could not approach or understand. The loneliness became bitter.

That bitterness was compounded by another factor. Thor was always more physically imposing, but Loki's speed and tactics had balanced out. As they matured, this disparity also grew. Thor loved sparring and insisted on matches. Loki continually lost, and they became irritated with each other. Thor couldn't understand why his brother didn't want to play as they had used to, and Loki hated being constantly overwhelmed in a game he couldn't win. He began to abandon the social sphere and turn his focus on academics.

As Thor watched his brother pull away he began to panic. He started trying to bring him back, but lack of understanding drove them even further apart. He communicated in the way he knew best, the way he communicated affection with his friends—playful violence and insult, dragging him into activities. Loki began to dread the forced integration and Thor was stung by his seeming coldness. Neither were able to sort out themselves, let alone each other, through the already tumultuous time.

Hurt and sadness simmered into frustration. Loki channeled it into books and study and was content. However, warm-hearted and impulsive Thor lacked an equivalent coping device. The outlet of his sorrow became scorn and insult. Loki showed no outward signs and indeed thought he wasn't bothered, but a spark of sadness remained unnoticed deep inside.

Reputations were built. Changes began to develop in the brothers' temperament. Thor became the golden child of the palace, became proud of his increasing accomplishments. The pride became arrogance and the arrogance was coddled by their parents. Loki looked at the society around him and deemed it shallow. He became afflicted with an arrogance of a different kind, a cold aloofness. This drove Thor further away and hardened the bitterness towards his brother, exacerbating Loki's alienation.

As they continued to age Thor became involved in drink and revelry. Loki retreated further into scholarship, radiating silent disdain. In their attempts to cope both had made themselves into the caricature the other most abhorred. Thor's bitter resentment became harassment. It was around this time that Frigga stepped in. She took Loki beneath her wing and trained him in her magic. Also around this time, the brothers were brought together for the next step of their education. Odin took them on a survey of the Nine Realms. During this trip and the time that followed, Loki saw something worrying in his brother.

Thor was undefeated, impulsive and motivated by adrenaline; a deadly combination in a would-be king. His tactic was to attack first and create a plan later. Unfortunately, he usually won. The imminent failure of that strategy would bring massive bloodshed. As this pattern was seen again and again in training matches, classes, exercises, excursions, even peace-keeping missions around the Realms, Loki grew nervous. For the first time in a long time he reached out to his brother. Thor was at first joyed, then angry. He was offended that Loki's first words after such a time should be of correction. The advice went unheeded.

Loki and Frigga grew closer as she taught him. He confided in her, and she helped him see his hypocrisy and the depth of his arrogance. It was difficult, but through the lens she provided he began attempting to change. Ashamed of how he had acted, he extended a tentative hand to his brother once more—but Thor had chosen a different path. Now beloved, honored as hero, practically worshiped by his friends, he was caught up in stardom. The arrogance grew. So did his strength, so did the adoration of the public; so to re-double his ego again. Reconciliation was irrelevant to his new life. Loki felt the coldness of a turned back.

He continued his studies and became a powerful magician, a brilliant tactician. His mother taught him to use his speed and agility as a platform against bigger opponents. Alone save for his mother, he spent much time exploring, sometimes disappearing for days on end. He found portals that formed shortcuts between Realms.

On a fateful day his exploration led him to a village in the remote edges of Asgard. It was destroyed. The houses were punctured with gaping holes, as if massive stakes had driven through ceilings and walls. There was standing water, also; though it hadn't rained, wasn't by the sea. There was blood, too—here and there, not much. Scraps of clothing. No other signs. Loki hurried back to the fortress and reported to the guards. He asked all-seeing Heimdall what had happened. Heimdall was silent. They had an increasingly heated conflict, which Heimdall ended by declaring any information he might have was exclusively for the king. Loki went to Odin. Here, too, he was met with half-answers and dismissed. Stung and frustrated, Loki returned to his room and puzzled.

That night, as Loki worked through what he'd seen, Thor burst in. He reeked of alcohol and staggered into furniture before slamming his fists on the table beside him. He was crying. He grabbed Loki and accused him of abandonment. He shook him and yelled about how he'd left and betrayed him; decades of smothered sorrow gushing to light. He grew angrier as he went and his already erratic behavior grew more violent. Loki tried to disengage, but Thor was beyond reason. They fought and crashed to the ground. The attack stopped here, though. Thor sat up, crushed him in a hug and sobbed on his shoulder. Guards entered, having heard the ruckus. Loki shook his head. They left. It was uncomfortable and foreign, but he bore with it; after a minute or so he patted his exhausted brother's shoulder and half-carried him to his room.

The next day Thor invited him on an excursion. The old dread cropped up, but another feeling crept in alongside. Guilt? Guilt, that he should still feel so little after his brother had exposed his heart. This was the last chance for this season in life. If he turned him down now, he might never come back. Loki decided to pretend the feelings were there, and perhaps they—or an understanding—would follow. He went with Thor.

Thor took him to a place where they had gone fishing as boys. He'd always hated fishing, but Loki had enjoyed it. He confessed that he'd behaved in a difficult way and asked for Loki's forgiveness, said he hoped to rebuild their friendship. Loki accepted the apology but offered a disclaimer. He told him that he wasn't being spiteful—he just didn't interact the same way that others did. Thor seemed to understand. He was optimistic, but Loki had a sinking feeling.

The following days were strained. Distrust of Odin brought on by the wrecked village; playing a charade for the sake of his brother. Thor brought Loki into his circle of friends. Introverted and not prone to small-talk or niceties, Loki was painfully out of place. Gradually, though, he began reading the patterns of interaction. For his brother's sake he tried to adopt them, forcing down flares of indignation. Empty chatter, niceties and erratic outbursts were apparently the keys to maintaining his relationship with his brother.

He made it back to the site of the wrecked village soon after. It was gone—hidden under a spell. He used his mother's training to undo the barrier; but the spell had a built-in trap. He was struck unconscious and awoke in a cell. There were raised voices, and then his mother came and released him. She silenced any attempts at questioning and begged him not to confront Odin. He did anyway, and was silenced by him as well.

Meanwhile, Thor's group began to accept him. Thorny disdain returned. It wasn't him they accepted; it was his mask of meaningless sound. So devoid of substance, so shallow, so crass! They didn't care about the world outside of their petty circle. His mask became a caricature. A schism widened between his true feelings and his desires of reconciliation, and that hated mask rubbed both aspects raw. Thor picked up on the currents of animosity. Confusion and frustration returned as he tried to find and address the problem, but each attempt at the finding the truth brought him to another mask. His trying to sort it only made things worse. A second falling-out approached.

Everything ground to a halt when Loki met Sif...

 _Continued in Prologue Part 2: This Glorious Son of Asgard_


	2. Chapter 2

He met Sif at a gathering of Thor's group. She had been with them before, but they hadn't previously talked. Thor introduced them. Loki wore his usual mask. Her eyes had sparkled at first—but as he played his act, the sparkle faded. As they continued to speak it extinguished. Her tone became simultaneously pleasant, flat and insulting. A sudden realization crept in that she was matching his caricature. She purposefully insulting him with a reflection of himself. He smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time. But what to say from there? She excused herself, but he asked her to stop. He asked to start over. Her expression was at first uncertain; then the sparkle returned. For the first time in forever he actually conversed. The others melted away and hours slipped by. When he returned home that night his heart was full.

He began willingly accompanying Thor on his excursions. Sif and he began to meet separately. They talked and explored, and a powerful new feeling blazed to life inside. Eventually he confided the secret of the wrecked village. She was unsettled. He also showed her the pathways between the Realms, and they traveled freely between them. He had almost forgotten his troubles when they stumbled across another village while exploring. This one had already been cloaked. He didn't try to undo the cloak or he would be arrested again. Instead, he would do some detective-work.

A dread suspicion had grown over the source of the hostility. They searched the area and found another rift. It led to Jotunheim, home of the frost giants—ancient enemies from millennia past. There had been peace between those Realms for some hundreds of years under a treaty. Or had there? When he returned alone to the rift later, it had been blocked. This time he wouldn't tell his family what he'd seen, or what he would do. He would act independently and let his consequences be on his own head.

Meanwhile, Thor watched his brother's relationship with Sif develop. He became jealous; jealous of his brother's attention and jealous of the loss of Sif's. She had the same slippery feeling as Loki. In vain he had been trying to pin her down, but no efforts on his part could unlock the friendship which Loki—of all people!-had gained with such seeming ease.

New resentment built.

Another change struck the family temperament. For a long time Odin's affection had been centered on Thor. Now, as they edged closer to the throne, it was lavished to the point where all others were obviously sidelined. Thor was built up as though his coronation was a certainty; his position and authority were stressed. It was too much for him to handle. The weight of fame sunk him into debauchery. Loki watched it happen, watched him drink, fight, love and steal with alarming frequency. As he and Sif stood back, things grew worse. Soon the activities were no longer petty. Property was damaged. Items went missing—mainly drink, clothing, things stolen for the thrill of stealing rather than necessity.

Loki used his knowledge of portals to enter Jotunheim. He alternately disguised himself as one of them, or cloaked himself to listen to officials and courtiers. For many days there was no evidence. Even his being there would be taken as an act of war if he were known—but he continued his surveillance. The pattern of destruction was too similar to the histories, too aligned with a pattern of animosity to be overlooked.

Back home, Odin continued his affirmation of Thor's wildness. The cycle grew worse, and Loki became bewildered. How could Odin not see the monster that was being created? Did he think that silence would cure the problem? The threat of kingship was closer by the day, and Thor was too strong-willed to hear any counsel. Worse was the worry of Odin's reluctance. If he couldn't face a belligerent son, could he face a hostile Realm?

His time with Sif became constant, a welcome respite from increasingly complicated life. They spoke of everything and anything. He had never encountered anyone who could match his intellect, interests, conversations; but their happiness was soon overshadowed.

Weeks of listening on Jotunheim paid off. At first it was bits and pieces; a confirmation of an attack on Asgard, a deal made with the government. He discovered to his horror that Odin was allowing the attacks as part of their 'peace treaty'. That explained the cloaked villages, the absences in the records! Further research revealed plans for full-on war. Saying anything would lead to Loki's imprisonment. He had to think of something else, but what could he do? Gradually a plan began to take shape. He had to prove their intentions to Odin before they caught Asgard unawares. A new worry. What of when Thor was king? If he found out—if war began-his impulsive nature would destroy them all.

Then came news of Thor's coronation.

A bittersweet door was opened. He would use the coronation as the vehicle for truth; he would use the Jotuns' already-simmering ambition to orchestrate an attack. A small detachment of troops would infiltrate the palace's vault during the ceremony and attempt to steal back an artifact of mighty power. The attempted theft would gauge both the reactions of Thor and of Odin. If neither were equipped to rule, then it was his duty to take the throne.

Sif was the final block. The stress had worn on him and his frequent absences were suspicious. She was curious and concerned, but he couldn't reveal anything. She couldn't be accused of treason if he failed. Besides, as the sister of Heimdall, her actions were closely monitored. To breath a word even to the person he trusted as dearly as himself was to risk everything. It became a thorn between them, and Thor's madness continued.

As the coronation drew nearer, Loki went to Jotunheim undisguised and told their leader he was planning a coup. He played both sides to the tune he wanted-but before he sacrificed himself, before he reached the point of no return, he had to free Sif from entanglement. He stepped back and allowed Thor to step in. Despite tears, long nights awake, not eating, not sleeping, nausea and stress—he broke her heart and pushed her away. She couldn't be killed on his behalf. He couldn't risk the plan's exposure.

As a final severance, he cut her hair while she slept. That act severed his connection not only to her, but to himself. It symbolized the death of his previous life. If he was to commit treason, to kill in the name of peace, he needed a new persona. Loki fled through the rift to Svartalfheim and mourned. In the days he spent there, he re-shaped himself. He created a new identity of power, charisma, and wit spiked with condescending vitriol. It beckoned others in while building a wall to stop them coming closer. Respect, but don't dare to love. Nothing like what happened with Sif could happen again.

When he returned, everyone was astonished at the change. He engaged others with confidence and snark, building some up and cutting others down to the amusement of all watching. He smiled, laughed and ran circles around them with scathing wit. His new persona was at once acidic and magnetic. Soon he was held on equal estimation with his brother.

Thor was confused and unsettled. He began to wonder if he had read his brother wrong all those years. He began to wonder if they could rebuild their friendship after all-but Loki's plans were set. Beneath a superficial re-establishment of goodwill his war plan waited to unfold; a plan that would shake the core not only of Asgard, but of all the Realms.

 _Continued in "Though This Be Madness" !_


End file.
